When the truth hurts.

Be careful what you ask you for, you may just get it. And it may be painful if what you asked for was the truth.

I asked for feedback from my mother and sister as to why they thought I was such an angry person. Where could the anger be coming from?? I thought that that if I could answer this question, I might be able to "fix" the eating disorder; since I know there is a direct relationship between being angry and using bulimia as my outlet to demonstrate that angry covertly.

My sister gave me this truthful theory:
"You don't love you husband anymore and you no longer want to be with him. But you can't or don't want to admit this; so you keep quiet. You carry guilt for staying with someone you don't love and you don't want to hurt him or cause disappointment to anyone. You're angry because you know it's not your fault for feeling this way, but can't or don't do anything to change the situation.

OUCH!! But I think she may be right. I can't deny it, but I haven't agreed to it either. I can write it down, or think it, or even blog it; but it still doesn't seem official or TRUE if I don't verbalize out loud. It's still my secret. Everyone may know it, but it doesn't exist if I don't say it....RIGHT???

But I'm scarred; what if I'm wrong?? What if the theory isn't true. Maybe this ISN'T the reason I'm angry. I would have risked my marriage and my life and maybe lost it all. When really I just needed to grow up and put on a pair of "Big Girl Panties"! I'd rather continue to be angry and blame others, than be scarred or alone and have only myself to blame.