He pisses me off!

I called my husband and told him I needed support tonight. Yet, he's gone when I return home. I am alone in an empty house...not a good thing. I am so angry at him for leaving me here to fight this battle myself. He often says, "Why won't you let me help you?", "I can be your support so you don't feel alone.", and yet...where is he when I need him?? Is it any wonder why I don't include him in my battle with food?? He is NOT there for me, hasn't been and won't be.

And, get this...I asked if he had checked the mail at our old house (we just moved) since he went by this afternoon to pick up a few things. "No...I didn't, why?" WHY?? So we can pay bills, so people don't know the house is empty and break-in, so I can go through the junk mail at reasonable rate instead of mounds of it!! And his response, "Yeah...your right." HELL YEAH I'm right! Why don't you listen and use your brain, dumbass!!

Normally, I would take this raging angry and stuff it down with food. To make the angry voice dissipate. I mean, how dare I? How dare I put this pressure on him? How dare I ask for help when he puts up with all my crap? What right do I have to bother him? He's a very busy and important man; and doesn't need this added stress right??

So why didn't I do that today? Why did I come to the computer instead? The feelings and anger are still there. Is it hope? Is it that very quiet voice somewhere inside saying "Enough is Enough" and "You CAN do this; and you can do it by yourself."

I don't know the answer, but I'll take the resulting behavior. Maybe this will be the first day on my calendar without the red X representing another bad day. I'll let you know how it goes.